1. Haydn, My Mother Bids me Bind my Hair
(My Teacher Bids me Sing in Tune!)
My teacher bids me sing in tune,
He/she isn’t very subtle!
He/she yells and bangs the keyboard,
While I croon,
While I croon,
And I shriek in rebuttal:
Oh what can I do, to temper my scale,
And make it sound less like a banshee’s wail?
Why not, says he/she, make yards of tape,
To hear your sins all day?
But though I do, it still escapes:
That pure four-forty A!
The interval’s too large [sing flat for larger interval]
Or small [sing flat for smaller interval]
Or small [sing flat for smaller interval]
And no four-forty A!
And no four forty A!
Not today!
No, no A [or “no way!”]
*******
2. Handel: Here Amid the Shady Woods
(Here Beneath the City Seal)
Here beneath the City Seal,
Glass-walled towers and girders of steel,
City that Works, Our County Seat,
Ravenous aldermen, glued to her teat!
Pity on the working bloke,
Who pays his taxes and slowly goes broke!
Though the muggers prowl the streets,
Steal your wallet, or your purse,
City Hall will get you first!
Here amid the shady deals,
Corporate kickbacks greasing the wheels,
You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours,
Ballots vanish, Clout endures!
Vote for a bridge, a road or a zoo,
Limit the bids to a buddy or two,
Shhhh--- And ten percent belongs to you!
*****
3. Handel: Angels Ever Bright and Fair
(Food Chains Ever Cheap and Fast!)
Recit.
Oh cursed day indeed, That Julia Child, found me,
And bound me with her Cordon Bleu,
And made me cuisine’s slavey!
Air
Food chains, food chains ever cheap and fast!
Food chains, food chains ever cheap and fast!
Feed, Oh feed me!
Feed me your precooked repast!
Feed me, feed oh feed me!
Food chains ever cheap and fast,
Feed me your precooked repast!
Feed me your precooked repast!
Feed me your precooked repast!
Arby’s, Sanders and McD,
Wendy’s Lum’s and Applebee,
Lobster Red and Castle White,
Free me from my stove tonight!
Feed me!, etc.
(c) 1979 Joan D. Levin
(c) 1979 Joan D. Levin
******